My Little Ball of Sunshine

Perfect depiction of Eric!

This blog post is dedicated to my little ball of Sunshine, Eric.  Last week my baby boy turned three years old! ( I start to tear up as I type this)  He has gotten SO big and he has matured SO much!  Eric is 100% boy.  He is constantly moving and if it involves dirt, even better.  He loves to run and jump constantly.  Eric has always been a kid that keeps me on my toes.  When Eric was born, things went very smoothly and he loved to be hugged!  He loved having his head covered and he HATED being swaddled (that should have been a sign).

My favorite boys!

 When we brought Eric home I quickly contemplated taking him back to the hospital (don't judge me, things were tough).  He was a cryer...a screamer..whichever you would like to call it.  He cried CONSTANTLY (I am NOT exaggerating).  The only time he didn't cry was when he would eat (10 minutes every 3 hours) and sleep (he was the king of 10 minute power naps and 2 hours was his stretch at night).  I cried with him and prayed that Heavenly Father would help me understand this baby, who was apparently not a happy camper.

He frequently slept in the sling, he would fall asleep and I would slip it off for a few minutes ...Once he was asleep I would KILL anyone who woke him up.  He looks so sweet asleep!

 I can remember that I read an article about colic and stuff and in they talked about babies having a "separation anxiety) from the womb.  I thought about this and prayed about this and concluded that Eric had separation anxiety from our Heavenly Father, the veil was just too thin and he could still remember what he left.  He was not happy to be here and he was terrible frustrated with this little body he was placed in.  One night, after a particularly LONG day, I asked James to give him a blessing.  In that blessing I asked James to ask Heavenly Father to let Eric know that it was okay to be here and that we loved him and that we would take care of him.  James gave Eric the sweetest blessing (which he screamed through) and then at the  end, he stopped long enough to give us a quick little grin, and then proceeded to scream.

As close as we ever got to a smile in he first 3 months of life :)

The next day was spent with family at a local pumpkin patch (Eric was 4 1/2 months old).  I was not looking forward to dragging grumpy pants around while everyone was having fun.  My grandma offered to keep an eye on him while we enjoyed some of the festivities and she sat and read her book.  Later she told me that this made her a nervous wreck and she was sure he would start screaming any moment.  That day, a day I will never forget, he stopped crying.  He actually smiled and even giggled a bit!  That day was truly an answer to our prayers.  Eric finally started feeling comfortable in his own skin and he knew we loved him.  After that we started to understand Eric's personality better.

What a sly little smile, like he has a secret!  This was taken the  evening he stopped crying

I LOVE this smile!  This was taken about a week after "The Miracle"

He gives everything 100%.  If he can't do something on his own he gets very frustrated and mad.  He wants it all and he wants it now.  He wants to do everything Alex can do and even more.  Right now he is sure that he is turning 5 any moment.

I can't describe how much I LOVE this picture

His latest accomplishment

Eric has gone through times of crying and frustration, and we have come to understand that it is an indicator that Eric is going to hit a milestone soon.  He did this before he crawled, walked, ran, jumped, talked, and pretty much anything else.  He recently went through a phase and we were sure something big was coming and we kinda cringed at the thought, but all of the sudden, he became very aware of things and people around him.  It is hard to explain this to anyone who doesn't know him, but he is definitely maturing into a little boy.  I literally cried the day he looked at me (after I called him my "baby boy") and said, "Mommy I am not a baby anymore, I am a big boy".

I love him so much.  He has a way of lighting up a room when he smiles and is laugh is truly contagious.  He hates to see you sad and always wants to share.  He LOVES going to Tumbling Class with Mr. Vincent and after every class I am told, "He keeps me busy, but I love him."  Eric is a bright kid, he is my sunshine when I am down and he is always complimenting me.  There is nothing sweeter than hearing him say, "Mommy, you're beautiful" every single day after I get dressed, no matter what I am wearing.  His favorite thing to say to people lately is, "Guess what!" after the person replies, "What?"  he says with the biggest smile on his face, "I LOVE YOU!"  I love my little guy and I am excited to continue to watch him grow into a boy and a young man.  I cannot express how grateful I am for him and how much I love him.  I better stop now because I am bawling my eyes out and my eyes get all puffy when I cry.  So until next time...

Here are some of my favorite pictures of Eric

My Little Fireman (5 months old)

Easter (9 months old)

Showing Daddy some love!

Everything Alex does, Eric does!  I love my little guys!

Alex's Achievements!

I haven't written in a while because I have been so darn busy!  There have been a whole lot of fun things going on in our home and it has all happened in a whirlwind.  I will start with my sweet Alex's Pre-K graduation!  I cannot believe my sweet boy is moving on to Kindergarten!  He was so cute in his little cap and gown and took the whole thing very seriously.  He always takes these types of things seriously, sometimes we have to remind him to smile.  He then participated in his school's end of the year program that was super cute!  Hopefully I can figure out how to load video onto my blog soon.  Alex said that he wanted to become a firefighter, because he wanted to save the world!  He is such a sweet boy!

Pre-K Graduation 2011

That Sunday, he gave a talk in Primary about the Book of Mormon!  He did a great job and wrote most of the talk on his own.  He kept reminding me of things to write down for him to say.  He cracks me up at how well he remembers things, even the tiniest details.  He was so proud of himself and he really enjoys when we read the scriptures in the morning.  He is starting to see patterns and really understanding what is going on as I read.

On Monday Alex had his T-Ball awards ceremony and end-of-the-season party.  These kids are too funny!  I loved having Alex in T-ball this season and I am sad to see that it is already over.  My son will probably never be the 'star player" but he always tries his hardest and he is learning what it means to be on a team.  He was so proud of his trophy!  I had to tell him to put it up and quit dragging it through the house (I was afraid it was going to break).

T-Ball 2011
Athletics

I love my sweet Alex and he is such a bright kid.  I don't know how I got so lucky to be blessed with such a great boy!  I have enjoyed watching Alex grow up so much this year.  He has made goals and achieved them.  He has struggled and pressed forward.  Alex may not be the smartest, most athletic, or most anything kid, but I pray that he will continue to grow and understand that he is a child of God and that he can be anything that he puts his mind too.  I also hope that the feelings he has had this past week, the feelings of pride and independence stick with him.  I feel that personal pride and satisfaction carries a person very far.  There is no point in doing something if it doesn't make you proud of yourself.  Through Pre-K and T-ball Alex learned how to work as a team, batting, running, his letters, reading, and writing...but most of all he hs learned what it means to work hard and do your best.  I am eternally grateful for wonderful teachers and coaches that helped him along the way and loves him for who he is.

We have a busy week ahead as we get ready for our vacation, so until next time...

I Got Put in Time Out!

Oh my goodness it is a beautiful day outside!  The sun is shining and the windows are open.  Very rarely are there days in the low seventies in May here is Texas.  Life has been a bit..."not ideal" lately, but it has definitely been a time for growth.

This last weekend changed my life more than I could have ever imagined.  On Friday I packed my bags and went on a trip to San Antonio with some amazing friends.  We headed off to Time Out for Women.  I was excited to go and felt very privileged to go, especially since it was last minute that I was offered a ticket and a seat in the carpool.  Friday we arrived at our hotel and rested for a few minutes before making our way to the convention center.  This was the start of something amazing.  I must admit that my heart was feeling a bit cold and hard.  I was still very upset about the "health issues" I am having to deal with, and not a very happy camper when it came to my relationship with my Heavenly Father (to put it lightly).  We sat together and the program began.  The music was by Dallyn Vail Bayles and the speaker was Sheri Dew.  I was not particularly amped up to listen to Sheri Dew.  I had read a few of her books (well, I tried to) and sound them very dry and "perfect" rather than realistic.  However, the music was so powerful that it softened my heart and Sheri Dew spoke on some things that I really needed to hear.  Looking back on all of it, Friday night prepared my heart for Saturday. My testimony grew so much in those three hours!  I was able to look at my trials and where my heart was and instead of feeling guilty for being mad and angry, I felt loved and understanding.  I was able to come up with this analysis of my feelings and behavior.  I shared this with my hotel-mates when we returned for the night.

I am a toddler!  I am just like my boys after they hear something they don't want to hear.  When I tell my boys "No" for one reason or another, I am often times met with replies of "I don't like you!" and "I'm not talking to you!"  Even though I know they still love me and they know that I love them, they are mad.  I am the same way. My Heavenly Father had to tell me "No" and I didn't like it and I think it is still unfair!  I stomped my feet and crossed my arms and said "I'm mad at you!" and "I am not talking to you right now!"  I knew I still loved my Heavenly Father and He still loved me, but I was mad!  Then I realized that just as my children come to me for a hug after they are done being mad, my Heavenly Father was waiting to hold me tight and tell me that He loved me.  I love holding my boys and trying to make things right in their world, even when they don't understand why something they didn't like had to happen, they understand that I won't lead them astray.  The same thing goes for me.  My Heavenly Father took me in His arms and told me that He was sorry that He had to tell me "No" and that he was sorry that my heart hurts, but He loves me and He knows I still love Him.  My relationship with my Heavenly Father changed so much!  I understand him so much better now, as I realize that He truly is a parent, as I am, and I am learning to parent my children every day and through that, I understand my Heavenly Father more and more.  I felt like I had found myself again.  I felt so much strength and empowerment that I was ready to be held and ready to be comforted and taught what I needed to learn.

After such an amazing night, I was truly ready for an amazing Saturday.  Early on Saturday I received a text message from James that told me that Eric had been bit by something and it looked really ad and he was taking Eric to the doctor.  After my Mommy panic washed away, I realized that James had things under control and that Eric would be fine.  I went on to the conference center bright and early, ready to learn.  I learned so much!  I learned about the importance of friendship and relationships with others and myself form the hysterical Amanda Dickson.  Jericho Road shared some beautiful testimony through music.  I really enjoyed their song "I'm in Over My Head" a lot.  Emily Watts made me giggle as I learned more about my children and how I can be a better mother to them, as well as to allow myself to "LET my heart rejoice".  John Hilton and Matt Baldwin taught me about not comparing myself to others and to have reasonable expectations of myself.  The final speaker was Kris Belcher and I LOVED HER TALK!!!!  She is an amazing woman and I encourage everyone to look her up and read her story.  I learned about "Vertical Living", the idea that we should look up, and look to God and live and not focus on what is right in front of our face.  I felt I could relate to her as she reminded all of us to "Look for the humor in life".  I am constantly looking fir the humor, and I think that is what keeps me going.  She also made a very profound statement that I am reminding myself of regularly.  She said that those people who tell you "God won't give you more than you can handle" are wrong!  If that were true, we would not need a Savior and we would not need His grace.  This really rang true with me.  I had a friend tell me that it is not about "God giving us only what we can handle, but that we can't handle it without God."  I have gained such insight from the amazing people in my life lately.

As you can see, I have grown so much.  I feel like this conference literally saved my life.  I feel as though I was given the opportunity to go by divine intervention.  I feel so eternally blessed that I was able to rub shoulders with amazing women and that I was able to grow so much in less than 48 hours.  I was so excited to bear my testimony on Sunday, but that wasn't able to happen as I took Eric to the hospital and he was admitted for that bite that got so infected that it went all the way up his leg.  He is home now (thank goodness) and running around as he always does.  I am going in for my D&C on Wednesday and I am nervous, but I go in with my heart in a much better place.  I feel more at peace and I don't feel near as alone this time.  I feel loved.  I have absolutely no idea what the future holds, but I will try to go forward with my eyes set high and my heart ready to learn.  So until next time...

The Joke is on Me

Well, I know it has been a few weeks since I posted, and believe me, there were times i would have loved to, but it didn't feel like a good time.  I have spent the last 4 weeks at the doctor's office!  I have had three ultrasounds, six blood draws, and way too many hours there.  Today I found out that the joke is on me.  My body did it again!  My doctor was sure that this was going to work, that things looked great, and things do look great if you don't look at the ultrasound.  All of my blood work is AMAZING!  Nice and pregnant!  However, there is no baby, there is no heartbeat, there is nothing!  I hate having to type this!  I hate being negative and not having something positive to say, but right now I don't have anything positive to say.

The doctor calls it an an-embryonic pregnancy...I call it a horrible practical joke!  My body still thinks it is pregnant, even after the doctor and I scheduled my second D&C in 4 months, it still feels nauseous and exhausted!  It's not fair, and anyone who tells me that it will be okay, I want to kick them!  People want to know how I am feeling, and I really don't think they do want to know.  I feel totally out of my character as I am so ANGRY!  I am angry with everything and nothing at the same time.  I hate this feeling and I know it will pass, but not soon enough.  I was sure that Heavenly Father would not let this happen again, because I felt like I barely survived the last one, but here I am, surviving again, so I guess I am stronger than I know, but I don't want to be strong right now.

I am tremendously grateful for my wonderful friends and family that support me and keep me in their prayers.  I feel like I have let them down, even though they will tell me I haven't.  I know these next few weeks will be difficult, and I just want to put them behind me.  I pray that as I go to Time Out for Women this weekend, surrounded by some of my best friends, that I will be strengthened and uplifted.  I am determined to be strong, and hold my head high and to let my Heavenly Father carry me when I feel like crumpling to the floor.  I pray that people will be patient with me and understand that this too will pass and I will be the "do-it-all and happy-to-do-it Callie" again, just give me a little time.

I read this today and I think this is part of what will get me through.

Doctrine and Covenants 121: 1 and 7-9


1 O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?
7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; 
8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. 
9 Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.

I am grateful for my testimony and I am grateful that I have a knowledge of the Plan of Salvation.  I pray that His love for me will carry me through this tough time.  Hopefully I will have a better, more uplifting post soon.  Thank you for your continued prayers and support.  so, until next time...

A Prayer Request

I am not sure why I am putting this in a blog post, but it seemed like the place for it.  I hate being negative and full of bad news on Facebook, and I think at times when I am stressed and tired, I tend to be that way.  So, I figure if I put this on my blog, friends have a choice whether or not to read it.  So, here is what is going on, and my request to the world.

Holy Moly I am pregnant!  Yes, after I had decided I was done trying, I was just gonna get through March and then we were going to quit trying completely for a year...I am pregnant.  I went to the doctor yesterday and we had no heartbeat, but a gestational sac.  This scared the crap out of me since this is what happened in December, but I was eight weeks late.  This time I am maybe a week late ( I am not sure, I had even quit tracking my periods, I had thrown in the towel).  My doctor is confident that it is just too early, so he took some blood to test my progesterone and HCG levels and I go back in on Monday for more.  We want these tests to come back with my progesterone being over 5 (over 15 would be fabulous, but that is rare) and we want my HCG levels to continue to climb.

I have probably mentioned before that I have an AMAZING ObGyn!  He knew I was upset about the ultrasound and feeling very discouraged (I still am a bit, but trying not to be) so he told me that positive thinking and prayer is going to carry me through this.  He told me to gather my family together and to call them all to prayer.  He told us to pray for the baby to keep developing, that my body would produce the right amount of hormones to support the baby, and that I will be healthy.  So, I put this prayer request out to all of my friends and family.  I have seen mighty miracles come to pass through prayer and I have faith that Heavenly Father knows me and my heart.  I pray that you will support me in this effort as I know that I am to have more children, and that my work to bring spirits into this world is not over.  James is fasting this Sunday and I know that through our faith, prayers and fasting, we will be blessed, no matter what happens.

I have a  strong testimony of the gospel.  I know that my Heavenly Father is with me all of the time and he knows my struggles and my fears.  I know that there is strength in friendship and family and that no matter where I am, I have someone to go to.  I pray that you won't judge me, or think I am asking for pity for my situation.  I am simply asking for a prayer in behalf of me, my body, my baby, and my family.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart, and I hope to have good news on Monday, and even better news after that.  So until next time...

Spring Break and More

This has been a few weeks of fun for our family, and most of them centered around Alex.  I will start with our first T-Ball Game!  This was amazing.  The kids practiced hard and tried their best and finally it paid off.  The A's won the game 15-8!  We were all amazed.  Most of the kids on the team are playing their first season (including Alex) and when we started practices the kids were hilariously jumping on top of each other and tackling the ball rather than playing as a team and that night they worked together so well it was amazing.  Alex hit a double and a single.  It was so sweet to watch his big smile as he ran across home plate!  He is getting so big and maturing so much.  For our first game I was assigned to bring snacks, so I brought Rice Krispie Treat Baseballs.  They were cute and Alex was so proud to hand them out to his friends.  He kept telling them, "My Mommy made these."  He makes us so proud.

Up to Bat



His first run!

That weekend we went on our very first camping trip as a family.  We went to Lake Sommerville and had a great time.  We piled everything into our little car, including both kids, both LARGE dogs, and all our stuff.  It was cramped, but we did it.  We loved our new tent that we got for Christmas and the boys enjoyed helping James put it up.  After we were settled we went to the lake to try some fishing.  It was WAY to windy, so we just played along the shoreline.  We found out that Moroni LOVES the water and running along the shore.  Hopefully we can take him to the beach some time.  Mason enjoyed being outside with the family, but wasn't a huge fan of the water.  We had a great time and got some sun.  We then made tin foil dinners that the boys loved and we roasted marshmallows.  The night was a bit restless for James and me because the dogs heard and wanted to check out every single noise...memo to us, maybe not bring both dogs next time.  In the morning we had pancakes and enjoyed playing at our campsite, packed up and went home.  It was a great way to spend our 6th anniversary.

Camping Boys

Playing with worms!

Moroni LOVED the water!

My hubby with the furry kids

Daddy and Eric eating breakfast

Then we celebrated our little man turning 5!  HOLY MOLY ALEX IS 5!?!  Since his birthday was during the week, we went to a movie and ate at one of his favorite restaurants.  Mars Needs Moms is an awesome movie and I would encourage anyone and everyone to see it.  During the movie Alex got a bit nervous and turned to me and said, "You're not gonna get taken by aliens right Mommy, I love you and I need you."  I was touched and it brought a little tear to my eye. 


We enjoyed having GiGi come visit for a few days.  We spent time together and shared lots of laughs and good times.  The boys loved having her here and are excited to go and visit her soon.  The biggest reason she came was for Alex's big birthday party.  We held the party at The Little Gym and it was amazing!  The kids had a great time and it was very easy for me, I just had to bring the camera and the cake.  Alex loved rolling and jumping and playing with his friends (all 15 of them).  I was so grateful for the staff and all of their hard work.  I was eternally grateful that all those kids weren't at my house and that I didn't have to clean up after them.  Alex wanted a Star Wars theme and the Little Gym made everything space themed and really got the kids using their imaginations. 

Birthday Boy!

Mmmmmm...cake!

Now it is Sunday and things are returning to normal.  We had ward conference, shared a yummy dinner with GiGi, GiGi left and now all I can here are little boys laughing and the blaze of light sabres.  Life is amazing and I am dreading Monday a bit, but I know it will be a great week.  I have a great family and I have been blessed more than I can even measure.  Now to go plan Monday's FHE lesson.  This month we have been focusing on "Manners" and it seems to be helping.  So until next week...

Baby Days are Gone for Now

Well, this weekend did not turn out as we had planned, but it was amazing!  Alex is now playing T-Ball and Saturday was supposed to be the big Opening Day ceremonies and first game, but due to the weather, it was cancelled.  We were a bit disappointed that there would be no game, but we found ourselves dressed, and ready for the day at 7:45 AM all together as a family and we couldn't let the opportunity to accomplish some things pass us by.  We went home, changed our shirts (we were all decked out in our baseball gear) and headed out to go furniture shopping. 

We decided to go to Gallery Furniture.  I decided that since I had never been there, I wanted to check it out, and I guess you can't say you've seen the attractions in Houston until you have been to this store.  Holy Moly it is amazing!  They not only sell furniture, but there are Capuchin Monkeys, Tropical Birds, Playground, Free Food (and real food as a matter of fact), TVs in the bathroom...anything you can imagine...oh and furniture too.  We went to search out a bed for the boys.  We have been planning on moving them to big boys beds and just couldn't decide on what we wanted and we couldn't find time to shop, so this rainy day was perfect.  We found a set of bunk beds for them.  This thing is packed with storage (which we need in a small house) and they will grow in to it, not out of it any time soon.  The purchasing process was easy and we had a great time.  We met the one and only Mattress Mack and got to take pictures with the monkeys.  We had a great time, but then the real work began.  They were going to deliver our furniture that night, so we had to get their room ready to receive it.  I had hoped to paint their room before, but we didn't have time, since this was a bit spur of the moment. 

The boys with Sasha the monkey at Gallery Furniture

We went home and started a major clean out of the boys room and stuff.  James got the shed organized and started moving stuff out to the shed that we will put into our garage sale and I packaged up a ton of baby stuff to give to a friend.  The boy's room is now completely free of baby items.  I had been storing some baby stuff in their closet, but not any more.  We have decided to get rid of as much baby stuff as possible.  Our home is too small and there don't seem to be any babies heading our way, so we don't see the reason to keep holding on to something that isn't happening right now.  This is a sad thing for us to realize, but a necessary thing as we have made a goal to make 2011 our de-clutter year.  We will de-clutter our home and our lives so that we can focus on what is important and essential to our salvation.  We got rid of so much stuff it was a cleansing process.  By 10:00 that night the boy's bed was delivered, assembled, toys put away, clothes out away, new bed linens on, and the boys were tucked in!  the day was the most productive day we have had in a while (due to illness and schedules) and everyone helped (even Eric). 

The Big Boy Beds!

I think this process of cleaning out the old and pressing forward to the new is good for all of us.  I have two Big Boys now, and they are no longer babies.  There are no more onesies, diapers, high chairs, or bottles in the house.  I fold little character underwear and play Star Wars.  My boys may be getting bigger, but they will always be my babies.  tonight i addressed the invitations to Alex's 5th birthday party!  I cannot believe he will be in Kindergarten in a few months!  He has matured so much!  Eric is growing more and more and will be in preschool next year!  What will I do with myself!?!  This is definitely a new step for us and I think we are handling it as well as we can.  Maybe one day we will hear the pitter patter of baby feet, but right now we hear laser sound effects, thumping, running, laughing, singing, and tattling...so until next time...

My Big Boys!