A Chance Meeting

I wanted to post some thoughts on something that happened to me yesterday and I am afraid if I don't post something, I will forget it, and I don't want to forget it.

Yesterday was a LONG day!  I had a million things to do and I was very tired!  After all my "have-to-do" things were done, I decided to go ahead and go by the fabric store to pick up the stuff I needed to make the pants for the chili-cook off (strange, I know).  Anyway, while I was there I was kind of browsing and wandering, trying to get my thoughts straight and figure out what I was doing.  After a while I picked out my fabric (thanks for the help GiGi) and took it up to the counter to get cut.  While standing in line, a woman came up in the line next to me with a stroller.  Another woman then came up to her and apparently they knew each other, but hadn't seen each other in a while (yes, I was eavesdropping).  The woman with the stroller proceeded to take her baby daughter out for the friend to see.  Such a cute little butterball of a baby dressed in pink!  My turn had come up in line and I was still smiling and gazing at the sweet baby when the girl at the counter broke my trance by saying, "I love babies!"  Waking from my daydream I smiled and said , "Me too."  She then proceeded to cut my fabric and then she said, "I think I may like them too much."  I smiled, not sure how to reply, she then proceeded to tell me that she had just found out that she is pregnant.  I gave her my congratulations with a smile and then her face darkened a bit.  "That's not the whole story, maybe you should hold your congratulations," she said.  She then proceeded to tell me that her and her boyfriend had 6 children already, the oldest 12 and the youngest is just over a year.  She seemed sad and a bit overwhelmed at the thought of another.  I then told her that my husband and I have been trying for two years to have our third child, but apparently He has other plans for us right now.  She smiled halfheartedly and said that she wish she knew God's plan.  I then told her, "Children are a blessing, a gift from our Heavenly Father and no matter what, she would be blessed for loving her children."  She looked at me, handed me my stuff and smiled a bit.  I wished her the best and told her that I hope everything goes well for her.  I stepped away from the counter and that was it. 

I told James about the experience and about her face.  I can't get her face out of my mind, even as I type this, I am overwhelmed.  I wish I had told her more, I wish I knew her name.  I am not one of those people that can talk to anyone, in fact, I avoid people most of the time.  I am determined to return to the fabric store and try to find her.  I want to give her a Mormon.org pass-along card.  I also feel a bit selfish.  I feel like an opportunity for me to meet someone who might want to place their baby up for adoption walked right into my path...did I say the right things?  For some reason, I have this...love? for this woman and I can't get her off my mind.  I pray that she feels Heaven;y Father's love for her.  I pray that she knows that there is a plan for all of us and that it is scary and hard, but totally worth it. 

I don't have experiences like this.  This stuff doesn't happen to me, I come across the same people every week and we exchange the same pleasantries.  Maybe this happened because I asked James what he thinks I should work on personally, maybe some other reason...  I feel blessed to have met her and I pray that I have done and will do what my Heavenly Father wants me to do for this woman.  I feel almost crazy for mulling this whole thing over in my mind over and over again, but her face is there, in my thoughts.  How do we know when we have done our best?  What more can I do for this woman who I don't even know?  I guess we will wait and see.  I need to find some more reasons to go to the fabric store I guess...

Catching Up

I can't believe I have let my blog slip!  I have thought about things to post and things to say, but they never seem to make it onto the computer.  January turned into February faster than I could have imagined.  Now, here I am on a VERY busy Tuesday afternoon and I decide to update this ting!  What am I thinking?  I can honestly say that our life just continues to march forward and not much changes, well, not anything big changes.  Eric is still in Tumbling and loves his new teacher and new class.  Every day he is more and more independent and at times I have to come up with ways to let him think he is in charge, even though I am in control.  I always have to be on my toes with that one.  Alex is doing great in school.  He is making friends and actually playing with them, and not just next to them.  I love his teachers, they are amazingly patient.  Today was Alex's Valentine's Day party at school and I have to pat myself on the back...I did a pretty darn good job keeping it organized and simple.  High five to me!  Now I am home, brownies are baked for tonight's Relief Society meeting, shirt is ironed (because of course I have spots on the shirt I wore today), car is loaded up for T-Ball practice that I have to leave for soon and the kids are having some quiet time so that they can keep on chugging until bed time tonight.  James has been working long hours (as usual) but he is getting off a little early to come to tonight's activity with me. 

James celebrated his 28th birthday!  We didn't do anything spectacular, just time together as a family.  It was nice to be able to have him around for a little time.  He is my everything.  Even though I am not a big fan of Valentine's Day and think it is a bit overrated, he bought me some of my favorite chocolates and a soft blanket and pillow.  He is so sweet and he listens for little clues about what I would like.  He makes me smile constantly and I can't imagine what I did to deserve him.

I am currently working on some new medication.  They are trying to keep my stubborn thyroid in check and it doesn't like it one bit!  I will find out if this medication is working in a few weeks, but I don't feel any different.  I am amazed at how much Heavenly Father has strengthened me.  I still live each day in a low-level pain that flares up daily and somehow, I haven't lost my mind and have been able to deal with it.  Someday, someone might know what is wrong with me, but until then, I will try to stay calm, wear socks, not get too cold, and focus on the positive things in life.  My doctor wants me to get allergy tested, but I don't know if I am up to it yet.  Each new test brings that flicker of hope that something will show up and give us some answers...and every time the hope is squashed by inconclusive results.  I was tested for Lupus and it was negative (thank goodness) so I usually think that I am just crazy :)  I am grateful that James has been able to help me through some of my rough episodes and helped me to stay focused.  The blanket he got my for Valentine's Day is VERY soft and warm...just right when the pain starts to flare up.  Even through all of the health issues I feel extremely blessed and powerful.  I feel that I can achieve almost anything and that no matter what, I will always have my family and my testimony. 

I will be posting more soon.  I love to write and typing this has really helped me express some things right now.  I have really been focusing on my personal relationship with my Heavenly Father and I want to make sure I document some of the changes I feel and the things that have been going on, so I can look back and reflect.  Each day is a new adventure, yet the same old story (hmmm...I like the way that sounds).  Until next time...

Mr. Independent

I have to dedicate this blog post to my Eric.  This kid has been cracking me up and amazing me so much lately. 

Only a few hours old

Little Gym Graduation

For a few weeks now, Eric is determined to do everything by himself.  The words I hear the most during the day are "I DO IT!" "NO HELP" "I GOT IT"...well, you get it.  This whole thing started with wanting to buckle himself  into the car seat, I let him do the top one and that kept him satisfied for a few days.  Next we move on to washing himself in the tub, getting his own snack, brushing his teeth, washing his face, reaching a toy...etc, etc.  Finally, last week, I think Monday he told me "I have to go potty."  Being a mother of two children and having spent over 10 months potty training my other kid I leaped at this comment.  Eric then proceeded to the bathroom, pulled out the potty seat that has been living under the sink for almost a year, and went in the potty!  Happy dancing Mommy and some M&M's later I am sure that this was a one time thing and it wont happen again.  WRONG!  This kid is potty training himself!  On that Friday, while at Wal-Mart he asked me for some underwear...how could I deny such a cute request!?!  As of today he averages an accident a day, but I am not complaining.  I finally convinced him to wear a pull-up while we are out since he is a bit nervous about the big potty.  The only way he bought into the whole "big boy diaper" (he calls it that) was because they have Toy Story characters on them (Thank you Huggies Pull Ups).  This week he also graduated from his first semester at The Little Gym.  He is moving up to the next level with a big smile and some new skills.  I love having the special Mommy-Eric time we share each week during Tumbling and I have watched him develop a lot of confidence.  This has been so much fun to watch, but a bit heart wrenching as I start to realize that in a few months my Alex will be FIVE and Eric will be potty trained!  I can't imagine a diaper free house and no diaper bag being lugged around, but I guess that this is the season of my life I am entering.  I am losing my babies and getting big boys.  I love them so much and I am enjoying watching their personalities mature and develop.  I am the mother of two very different kids that are still a lot alike in many ways.  I am so blessed and as I look over and watch Alex play with his trains and Eric rest on the couch I can only think of how much joy they bring to my life and I can't imagine it any other way.  I am gonna go give the a squeeze, so until next time...

2011-A Year of Change

I cannot help but smirk a bit as I put the title on this.  I got so tired of hearing the word "Change" during the Obama campaign, and yet here I am using it.  As a family, we have sat down and talked about our goals for this year.  We don't like to call the resolutions because a resolution just asks to be forgotten and broken, so we call them goals.  This year we have decided to move from our home.  I am not positive where we will end up or the logistics of everything, but I do know that Heavenly Father knows what is best for us and as long as we follow his counsel and do what we are supposed to be doing, we will be blessed.  I do not want to spend next Christmas in the home we are currently in, and that is incentive enough for me.  Another goal we have set is that we will continue on our path to self-reliance.  Last year was a big leap for us as we were determined to get our finances and priorities in order so that we could move forward in the Lord's work.  This year is sure to bring excitement for our family.  Our doctor has told us that if we aren't pregnant by March/April, then we might want to "consider other options".  James and I have discussed this a lot...a whole lot!  We have prayed and for the time being we are saying that we will continue to do everything we can to prepare ourselves to welcome another spirit into our homes and if my body cannot and will not support this, then we will look further in to adoption.  This at times is easier said than done.  I never imagined that at 25 my body would decide to call it quits in the baby department...but that's what I get for making a plan.  I daily pray that we will have another and some days are harder than others, but I continue to work on my testimony and being the best me that I can be.  I have found that my focus has changed and has been turned a bit inward.  I am usually trying to change things around me, but I have come to understand that the only thing I can change is myself and my focus.  I am determined to be better and to continue to grow and to try my hardest not to let things of the world weaken my testimony and will.  Every day is a new day that i am determined to be excited about.  I don't want this year to go by in a blur like last year did.  I am keeping a family journal and I am trying to enjoy my boys as much as possible.  I am so blessed and at times I do have the "woe is me" syndrome, but I want to work on keeping an uplifting attitude and to help others feel that they are loved just by being around me.  I love how much I feel my Savior's love.  he has held me very tight these last few months and dried my tears and I think he is ready to let me stand back up again and I want to prove that I can do great things with the body he has blessed me with.  I am excited for this new year and I am thrilled that I have this day to live.  So until next time...

Christmas!

Christmas for the Wardell family was tons of fun.  We started by having GiGi come on Thursday and sharing a yummy dinner with wonderful friends.  On Friday we went to James' parents for dinner and Christmas.  The boys loving seeing their Grandma and Grandpa!  We really enjoyed spending time together and exchanging gifts.  Later, James, Alex, and Grandpa went to see Tron while Eric took a nap and the girls played games.  It was a great time to bond and laugh together.  That night the boys and I prepared for Santa and we read the Christmas story.  Saturday morning was filled with excitement as the boys opened their surprises from Santa!  Alex and Eric loved their bicycle and tricycle from Santa and playing with their Geo-Trax that received from GiGi.  Later in the day we went to my parents to have dinner and exchange gifts.  We had tons of fun watching the boys ride their bikes and open their new toys.  After we left we went to look at the Christmas lights at the Gullo home!  It was amazing and VERY cold!  Sunday took us to church, but after sacrament everyone went home except for me because Alex wasn't feeling well...he has a cold.  Monday was spent shopping and eating with GiGi.  Today we spent time with GiGi before she left for home.  We loved having her here for so long and the boys were so sad to see her go.  This week will be filled with lots of "getting things back to normal".  After such a rough few weeks I am welcoming some normalcy and some time to get myself back in order.  We had a wonderful Christmas and we are looking forward to the new year!  I am excited to see what this year brings.  Hopefully I can get back in the groove of updating this thing.  So until next time...

Our Christmas Card!

My Rough Spot

I haven't been on my blog in so long!  I figured I should update everyone on what has been making me and my life so crazy lately.  It has been one emotional roller coaster for me health-wise this year.  I started the year with horrible kidney problems and I am ending the year with woman problems.  On December 7th I went to my OB-GYN because I was very late and had a positive pregnancy test!  Finally an answer to a prayer!  We were thrilled!  When I went in, my hormone levels were good, but an ultrasound looked a little funny.  We could see an egg sac and we could see the start of a baby, so my doctor assumed that I ovulated much later then we thought and that he would do everything in his power to keep me from having a miscarriage...this involved a lot of VERY expensive hormone therapy and lots of doctor visits and blood draws.  A week later the doctor like what the blood work was showing so he decided to get another ultrasound to see how it looked.  A week later we see the same thing...egg sac...no heartbeat, no development.  Then I quickly realize that something is not right and the pit enters my stomach.  At this point my doctor pulls me into his office and explained that I have an anembryonic pregnancy...a false pregnancy.  For whatever reason, there was a pregnancy, but no baby...no baby.  I am 10 weeks pregnant with nothing!  My body fully believes that I am pregnant...this means cravings morning sickness and exhaustion...for nothing!  This is probably one of the hardest things that I have been through.  My heart aches as I think about it.  I just sat there and sobbed like a baby and trying to understand what this means and what happens next.  Well, then I was sent to the hospital to do all of my pre-op because I was now to have a D&C on Friday, December 17th...a week before Christmas Eve!  I am an emotional hurricane for the rest of the week and two days before the surgery I get the most horrible stomach bug that makes it that much worse.  The day before the surgery was rough as I had to totally rely on my Heavenly Father to help us with the money involved to get this done.  The bank account said that we wouldn't have enough money, the doctor said he can't help and that I need to have this done or I can actually loose alot of blood and end up in the ER, and the hospital won't help me because i have insurance...crappy insurance...but insurance.  The Lord came though and miraculously I was able to make the payment, and have the procedure done.  James took the morning off to take me and be with me.  I was a mess emotionally and wasn't doing well at putting on a strong face.  After the procedure I woke up with tear stained cheeks and tears in my eyes...I can only figured that i cried through the procedure even though I was under anesthesia.  I was heartbroken.  The doctor told me that I would be emotional and that things should level out in a few weeks.  I already suffer from post-partum depression and so this time, my hormones hit rock bottom very quickly and I was worse then I had ever been with either of my boys.  I went home and rested and felt sore, but okay.  The week before Christmas is always crazy, but it was terrible difficult this year.  I wasn't only dealing with stress of gifts, baking, people, and everything Christmas brings, but also I was dealing with alot of pain and unhappiness.  Life was not a happy thing for me and I just couldn't get into the Christmas spirit...I just wanted Christmas to go away!  Finally I was able to get out and get my orders done and some shopping accomplished and it helped.  Now Christmas has come and gone and I am totally relieved.  I am praying that my body will chill out soon and I can quit feeling so crazy and that this new year will be a bit of a break from last year.  I have so much to be thankful for and I am very thankful and I pray that through these trials will come lessons learned.  Our Heavenly Father has blessed us as Malachi describes..."if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it."  Malachi 3:10. 

This post has been hard to write and I am sure that there are those that will read it that will think that I shouldn't have shared this, but this is my blog, and this has been on my mind.  I decided to wait to write this post until things had calmed down a bit so that i could write with a clear mind.  Things are improving and I know that good things will come and I have been eternally blessed.  My testimony has been strengthened beyond belief this year and i pray that next year I will learn even more. 

It's Been A While

Wow, I haven't written in a while!  Life is so busy, yet somehow, always the same.  I just spent an hour and a half changing the look of my blog and I am still not completely satisfied, but oh well, it will do.  I am super excited to be in League City for a couple of days to play with GiGi and to get our family pictures done.  I have had a lot on my plate lately and when I am away from home I can relax a bit and not worry so much.  There are lots of things going on in the Wardell house as we prepare for Christmas and other things.  I am grateful that at times I can sit and reflect on the eternal perspective of things and re-prioritize my time and energy and feel instantly lifted and calmed by my Heavenly Father.  I truly lead a blessed life with an absolutely amazing husband and two crazy boys who NEVER allow life to be dull.  I will try to be more frequent in my posts and I am sure after these next few days I will have lots of fun things to update everyone on.  Until next time...